I Didn't Know That

Here's a few facts about Chuck Norris that I didn't know until recently. I'd like to thank Ben and Josh for bringing these facts to my attention. These are just a few of my favorites...the list is much longer. I left out the ones that I thought were in bad taste.

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so tough, he has never cried. Ever.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the heck down.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, Two seconds til. After you ask, "Two seconds til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Chuck Norris doesnt churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and butter comes straight out.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
• The quickest way to a mans heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
• Chuck Norris originally appeared in the Street Fighter II video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this glitch, Norris replied, "Thats no glitch."
• The opening scene of the movie Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, Bang!
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
• Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
• Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.
• If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
• Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
• As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.